Get version 1 from: http://www.shahrukhmalik.com/software/D-Encryptor.exe

For now

 

University will reopen again tomorrow. But this time it will be very very different. :(

Since they are prohibited in Islam and I have repented from all sins from heart, I am looking forward to correcting myself in everyway I can think of, and this was just one step.

Ramazan passed away taking with it all extra Blessings of Allah, but He is the Most Beneficient and His Blessings are not limited to the month of Ramazan. Neither are the conditions imposed by Him.

Hi.

I will be busy for the next 11 days so won't be doing anything here, or anywhere else for that matter.

On the insistence of Ajmal, I have continued the blog.

Since its holidays and I have to indulge myself into something to keep away from the depression of the world (failing to do so even with all the distractions), I resumed my long left adventure of:

This is the 100th post!
Not like it matters, though.

Surah Fatiha protects from Allah’s wrath.
Surah Yasin from thirst on the Day of Judgement. Surah Waqia from worries.
Surah Mulk from the punishment in the grave.
Surah Kosar from enemy’s enmity.
Surah Kaferoun from disbelief at death.
Surah Ikhlas from hypocracy.
Surah Falak from jealous people.
Surah Nas from evil whispers (bad thoughts).

2 homosapiens ascended a certain geological protuberance to collect a hydride of oxygen who’s quantity isn’t specified.
1 member descends dramatically suffering mechanical damage to the cranial part of his anatomical structure. The 2nd member follows the first in a similar series of rapid irregular disturbing movements.

In simple English:
Jack & Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water.
Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after.

Herbert A. Millington
Chair - Search Committee
412A Clarkson Hall, Whitson University
College Hill, MA  34109

Dear Professor Millington,

Thank you for your letter of March 16.  After careful consideration, I
regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me
an assistant professor position in your department.

This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually
large number of rejection letters.  With such a varied and promising field
of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.

Despite Whitson's outstanding qualifications and previous experience in
rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at
this time.  Therefore, I will assume the position of assistant professor
in your department this August.  I look forward to seeing you then.

Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.

Sincerely,
Chris L. Jensen

Black
Black is the color of authority and power. It is popular in fashion because it makes people appear thinner. It is also stylish and timeless. Black also implies submission. Priests wear black to signify submission to God. Some fashion experts say a woman wearing black implies submission to men. Black outfits can also be overpowering, or make the wearer seem aloof or evil. Villains, such as Dracula, often wear black.

White
Brides wear white to symbolize innocence and purity. White reflects light and is considered a summer color. White is popular in decorating and in fashion because it is light, neutral, and goes with everything. However, white shows dirt and is therefore more difficult to keep clean than other colors. Doctors and nurses wear white to imply sterility.

Red
The most emotionally intense color, red stimulates a faster heartbeat and breathing. It is also the color of love. Red clothing gets noticed and makes the wearer appear heavier. Since it is an extreme color, red clothing might not help people in negotiations or confrontations. Red cars are popular targets for thieves. In decorating, red is usually used as an accent. Decorators say that red furniture should be perfect since it will attract attention.

The most romantic color, pink, is more tranquilizing. Sports teams sometimes paint the locker rooms used by opposing teams bright pink so their opponents will lose energy.

Blue
The color of the sky and the ocean, blue is one of the most popular colors. It causes the opposite reaction as red. Peaceful, tranquil blue causes the body to produce calming chemicals, so it is often used in bedrooms. Blue can also be cold and depressing. Fashion consultants recommend wearing blue to job interviews because it symbolizes loyalty. People are more productive in blue rooms. Studies show weightlifters are able to handle heavier weights in blue gyms.

Green
Currently the most popular decorating color, green symbolizes nature. It is the easiest color on the eye and can improve vision. It is a calming, refreshing color. People waiting to appear on TV sit in "green rooms" to relax. Hospitals often use green because it relaxes patients. Brides in the Middle Ages wore green to symbolize fertility. Dark green is masculine, conservative, and implies wealth. However, seamstresses often refuse to use green thread on the eve of a fashion show for fear it will bring bad luck.

Yellow
Cheerful sunny yellow is an attention getter. While it is considered an optimistic color, people lose their tempers more often in yellow rooms, and babies will cry more. It is the most difficult color for the eye to take in, so it can be overpowering if overused. Yellow enhances concentration, hence its use for legal pads. It also speeds metabolism.

Purple
The color of royalty, purple connotes luxury, wealth, and sophistication. It is also feminine and romantic. However, because it is rare in nature, purple can appear artificial.

Brown
Solid, reliable brown is the color of earth and is abundant in nature. Light brown implies genuineness while dark brown is similar to wood or leather. Brown can also be sad and wistful. Men are more apt to say brown is one of their favorite colors.

“Falling Doesn’t Make You a Failure, Staying Down Does”

“If you are still being hurt by an event that happened to you at twelve,
it is the thought that is hurting you now.”
James Hillman

“Change does not necessarily assure progress,
but progress implacably requires change.”

“High achievement always takes place in the framework of high expectation.”
Jack Kinder

“Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.”
George Bernard Shaw

“Experience is the only thing in life that the test comes before the lesson”

“Everyone thinks of changing the world,
but no one thinks of changing himself.”
Leo Tolstoy

Not being known doesn’t stop the truth from being true.

If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant.

The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
Walter Bagehet

“Where we love is home,
home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts.”

Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out.
John Wooden

If someone tells you that you cannot do something and you believe it, they are right.
Carol Burnett

He who asks, is a fool for five minutes,
but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.
Chinese Proverb

To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Tough people are not born; they are made
when no one is there for them to wipe their own tears…

We must be the change we wish to see in the world.
Mahatma Gandhi

People who fight fire with fire usually end up with ashes.
Abigail Van Buren

The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind.
William James

Some of us learn from other peoples mistakes.
The rest of us are the other people.

We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.

Sometimes it isn’t what you do,
but what you don’t do that make you who you are

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
Nelson Mandela

All life is an experiment.
The more experiments you make the better.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

I had no shoes and complained,
Until I met a man who had no feet.
Indian Proverb

The mind is its own place,
and in itself, can make heaven of Hell, and a hell of Heaven.
John Milton

All would live long, but none would be old.
Benjamin Franklin

Whether you think you can or whether you think you can’t, you’re right!
Henry Ford

The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it.
Chinese Proverb

The hardest battle you’re ever going to fight is the battle to be just you.

Give a man a fish, and he eats for a day.
Teach a man to fish, and he eats forever

We must learn our limits.
We are all something, but none of us are everything.
Blaise Pascal

There are two ways to slide easily through life:
to believe everything or to doubt everything;
both ways save us from thinking.
Theodore Rubin

There are two kinds of failures:
those who thought and never did,
and those who did and never thought.
Dr. Laurence J. Peter

If you find a path with no obstacles,
it probably doesn’t lead anywhere.

Shoot for the moon.
Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.
Les Brown

“When love and hate have exhausted the soul,
the body seldom endures for long.”

As I grow older, I pay less attention to what men say.
I just watch what they do.
Andrew Carnegie

Little minds are tamed and subdued by misfortune;
but great minds rise above them.
Washington Irving

No steam or gas ever drives anything until it is confined.
No Niagara is ever turned into light and power until it is tunneled.
No life ever grows until it is focused, dedicated, disciplined.
Harry Emerson Fosdick

The words printed here are concepts.
You must go through the experiences.
Carl Frederick

There are two kinds of people who never amount to much:
those who cannot do what they are told,
and those who can do nothing else.
Cyrus Curtis

Some men have thousands of reasons why they cannot do what they want to,
when all they need is one reason why they can.
Willis Whitney

To exist is to change,
to change is to mature,
to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly.
Henri Bergson

Give me the ready hand rather than the ready tongue.
Giuseppe Garibaldi

The world has the habit of making room for the man whose actions show that he knows where he is going.
Napoleon Hill

Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal;
nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.
Thomas Jefferson

The important thing is this:
To be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become.
Charles du Bois

There’s a basic human weakness inherent in all people
which tempts them to want what they can’t have
and not want what is readily available to them.
Robert J. Ringer

You can’t control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and the depth of it.

Things do not change, we change.
Henry David Thoreau

I have never heard anything about the resolutions of the apostles,
but a good deal about their acts.
Horace Mann

Our sweetest songs are those that tell of saddest thought.
Percy Bysshe Shelley

We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.
Anaïs Nin

I hear and I forget,
I see and I remember.
I do and I understand.
Chinese Proverb

You cannot step twice into the same river,
for other waters are continually flowing in.
Heraclitus, ~500 BCE

If we do what is necessary, all the odds are in our favor.
Henry Kissinger

The eye sees only what the mind is prepared to comprehend.
Henri Bergson

These days people seek knowledge, not wisdom.
Knowledge is of the past, wisdom is of the future.
Vernon Cooper

It’s not the situation … It’s your reaction to the situation
Robert Conklin

What happens is not as important as how you react to what happens.
Thaddeus Golas

Product Features

• Pro Gamer Command Pad combines the controls essential to First Person Shooter and Strategy games in one unit making them fast and easy to reach in the heat of battle.
• Backlit keypad with choice of three glowing colors
• Ergonomic keypad with laser etched keys so characters are visible in any lighting environment; ideal for late night gaming session and LAN parties.
• 4-way analog hat switch
• 20 buttons including space, shift function and 3 mode states for up to 144 programmable commands.
• Adjustable thumb control area has 2 way tilt mechanism, slides forwards and backwards, pivots up and down.
• Standard USB Connector
• Works with virtually an OS including Windows, Mac and Linux

Source: http://www.thinkgeek.com/computing/input/8d12/

"Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance."
--Sam Brown

"If it ain't broke, overclock it."

A Pakistani and an American are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York. The American wants to play a game. Pakistani is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The American persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa."

Again, he declines and tries to get some sleep. The American, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5,and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."
This catches the Pakistani's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game.

The American asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The Pakistani doesn't say a word, reaches into his wallet, pulls out a $5.00 bill, and hands it to the American. "Okay," says the American, "your turn".

He asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"
The American, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer & searches all his preferences........no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress... no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the Pakistani and hands him $500. The Pakistani thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep. The American, who is more than a little miffed, stirs the Pakistani and asks "Well, what's the answer?"

Without a word, the Pakistani reaches into his purse, hands the American $5, and goes back to sleep.

A few years ago, there was a Mensa convention in San Francisco, and several members lunched at a local cafe. While dining, they discovered that their saltshaker contained pepper and their pepper shaker was full of salt. How could they swap the contents of the bottles without spilling, and using only the implements at hand? Clearly this was a job for Mensa! The group debated and presented ideas, and finally came up with a brilliant solution involving a napkin, a straw, and an empty saucer. They called the waitress over to dazzle her with their solution.

"Ma'am," they said, "we couldn't help but notice that the pepper shaker contains salt and the salt shaker..."

"Oh," the waitress interrupted. "Sorry about that." She unscrewed the caps of both bottles and switched them.

Alone

He that falls in love with himself will have no rivals.

One's best friend is oneself.

Friendship

A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.

A friend is someone who is there for you when he'd rather be anywhere else.

A friend is one who believes in you when you have ceased to believe in yourself.

A Friend is someone who knows all about you and loves you anyway.

You can't have too many friends because then you aren't really friends.

Best friends are like diamonds, precious and rare.
False friends are like leaves, found everywhere.

When the silences are no longer awkward, you know you are around friends.

Do not save your loving speeches
For your friends till they are dead;
Do not write them on their tombstones,
Speak them rather now instead.

Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say.

When we are grown, we'll smile and say,
"We had no cares in childhoods day."
But we'll be wrong. It will not be true.
I've this much care... I care for you.

To the world you are someone, but to someone you are the world.

True friends are never apart, maybe in distance, but not in heart

Inspirational

The greatest good you can do for another is not just share your riches, but to reveal to him, his own.

It is better to be thought of as a fool, rather than open your mouth to remove all doubt.

A: A Stick.

It's wise to remember how easily email -- this wonderful technology -- can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences.

Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email.

Unfortunately, when typing her address, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.

At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

"Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P.S. Sure is hot down here."

Once you start playing with software you quickly become aware that each software package has a revision code attached to it. It is obvious that this revision code gives the sequence of changes to the product, but in reality there's substantially more information available through the rev-code than that. This article provides a guide for interpreting the meaning of the revision codes and what they actually signify.

1.0:

Also known as "one point uh-oh", or "barely out of beta". We had to release because the lab guys had reached a point of exhaustion and the marketing guys were in a cold sweat of terror. We're praying that you'll find it more functional than, say, a computer virus and that its operation has some resemblance to that specified in the marketing copy.

1.1:

We fixed all the killer bugs ...

1.2:

Uh, we introduced a few new bugs fixing the killer bugs and so we had to fix them, too.

2.0:

We did the product we really wanted to do to begin with. Mind you, it's really not what the customer needs yet, but we're working on it.

2.1:

Well, not surprisingly, we broke some things in making major changes so we had to fix them. But we did a really good job of testing this time, so we don't think we introduced any new bugs while we were fixing these bugs.

2.2:

Uh, sorry, one slipped through. One lousy typo error and you won't believe how much trouble it caused !

2.3:

Some jerk found a deep-seated bug that's been there since 1.0 and wouldn't stop nagging until we fixed it !!

3.0:

Hey, we finally think we've got it right! Most of the customers are really happy with this.

3.1:

Of course, we did break a few little things.

4.0:

More features. It's doubled in size now, by the way, and you'll need to get more memory and a faster processor...

4.1:

Just one or two bugs this time... Honest !

5.0:

We really need to go on to a new product, but we have an installed base out there to protect. We're cutting the staffing after this.

6.0:

We had to fix a few things we broke in 5.0. Not very many, but it's been so long since we looked at this thing we might as well call it a major upgrade. Oh, yeah, we added a few flashy cosmetic features so we could justify the major upgrade number.

6.1:

Since I'm leaving the company and I'm the last guy left in the lab who works on the product, I wanted to make sure that all the changes I've made are incorporated before I go. I added some cute demos, too, since I was getting pretty bored back here in my dark little corner (I kept complaining about the lighting but they wouldn't do anything). They're talking about obsolescence planning, but they'll try to keep selling it for as long as there's a buck or two to be made. I'm leaving the bits in as good a shape as I can in case somebody has to tweak them, but it'll be sheer luck if no one loses them.

It's never easy to overcome innate nerdity, a serious Internet addiction, or a hard-core computer gaming habit, but trying usually isn't as painful as kidney stones. Here's how:

Let go of the mouse.

Turn off the computer.

Play a game of solitaire with a REAL deck of cards.

Eat something other than taco chips.

Fart without recording it and putting it up your Web page.

Get some sleep in bed rather than on your keyboard.

Next time you wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, don't tell everyone on your ICQ list about it.

Open a window without turning your computer back on (yes, it is possible). Very gradually expose your eyes to increasingly bright light so as to avoid damage or permanent sun blindness.

When you feel prepared for a massive dose of non-CRT radiation, put on welding goggles and go outside.

If you see someone, say "Hi" to them instead of trying to make the modem connect sound.

Visit a friend that you haven't spoken to in years because they don't have an email address.

Have ".com" officially removed from behind your name.

You type faster than you think

You can read the cast names that scroll on your TV at the end of a movie

You dream only in "text" format

Nothing's happening, but you don't leave for fear you'd miss something

You spend at least 30 minutes saying goodbye to everyone on line

You stop speaking in full sentences, or use short choppy ones

You have a vanity car tag with your nick on it

Someone at work tells you a joke and you say "LOL"

You prefer watching TV with the closed captioning turned on

When someone says, "What did you say ?" you reply, "Scroll up !"

You know more about your on-line friends than you do your family

You have an identity crisis if someone is using a nick close to your own

You change your nick so much that you have to look to see who you are

You can message while you're on the phone & carry on two conversations

You sign on & get 10 msgs from people who have you on their notify list

You wish you had an ignore button that would work in real life

You bring a bag lunch & a cooler to the computer

Your notify list contains over 100 people

You have to inject no-doze into your butt to keep it awake

You have no idea what time it is

You don't even notice anymore when someone has a typo

You're seeking an on line psychiatrist to treat your IRC addiction

You've yet to see anything funny at all in this list

Your web page is far more popular than you

Your home page is more impressive than your resume

Your computer has more phone lines than the people in your house

You ask a woman for her e-mail address instead of her phone number

You think FrontPage is for whimps

You run Windows 95, 3.1 and Unix just because you can

You spend more time on the Net than you do sleeping

You "call in" sick to work via e-mail

Everyone in your family has multiple e-mail addresses

You've have a LAN set-up in your house

Your idea of hurrying is typing faster

You keep spare mouse pads

You keep a spare PC just to test virus hoaxes

You use a tape backup to save Web Sites you've visited

You have more invested in computers than you do your kids

You have and use every known commercial/shareware anti-virus program

You see how far you can move the mouse w/o turning off the screen saver

At night, you check your e-mail before you check your answering machine

You still have original version of NetScape

You not only use computer acronyms, you know what they're short for too

You have a better computer system at home than at work

You can quote chapter and verse from various html manuals

You're still not sure if adding graphics to the Internet was a good idea

You don't think any of the foregoing is either funny or unusual

Is reading in the bathroom considered Multi-Tasking ?

If only women and kids only came with pull-down menus & online help

Never violate C:\ the Prime Directory

If at first you don't succeed, call it beta version 0.91

Stack Error: Lost on a cluttered desk

Bug ??? That's not a bug, that's an undocumented feature

Life would be so much easier if I had the source code

Do files get embarrassed when they get unzipped ?

"Mr. Worf, scan that ship" "Aye, Captain... 300 DPI ?"

! sgub evah t'nseod CP sihT ? sgub naem ayaddahW

Computer analyst to programmer: "Start coding, I'll go find out what they want"

1. Log on: Make the wood stove hotter

2. Log off: Don't add no more wood

3. Monitor: Keep an eye on that wood stove

4. Download: Getting the firewood off the truck

5. Floppy disk: What you get from trying to carry too much firewood

6. Ram: The thing that splits the firewood

7. Hard Drive: Getting home in the winter

8. Prompt: What the mail ain't in the winter

9. Window: What to shut when it's cold outside

10. Screen: What to shut in black fly season

11. Byte: What the black flies do

12. Bit: What the black flies did

13. Mega Byte: What the LABRADOR black flies do

14. Chip: Munchies for TV

15. Micro Chip: What's left in the bag after you eat the chips

16. Modem: What you did to the hay fields

17. Dot Matrix: Old Dan Matrix's wife

18. Lap Top: Where the kitty sleeps

19. Software: The dumb plastic knives and forks they give you at
McDonalds

20. Hardware: The real stainless steel cutlery

21. Mouse: What eats the grain in the barn

22. Main Frame: What holds the barn up

23. Enter: City talk for - "come on in, eh"

24. Web: What a spider makes

25. Web Site: The barn or the attic

26. Cursor: Someone who swears

27. Search Engine: What you do when the car dies

28. Screen Saver: A repair kit for the torn window screen

29. Home Page: A map you keep in your back pocket just in case you get
lost in the field

30. Upgrade: Steep hill

31. Server: The person at the ABC what brings the food

32. Mail Server: The guy at the ABC what brings the food

33. MSDOS: Some new disease they discovered

34. Sound Card: One of them technological birthday cards that plays
music when you open it

35. User: The neighbour who keeps borrowing stuff

36. Browser: What they call you when you eye brows grow together

37. Network: When you have to repair your fishing net

38. Internet: Complicated fish net repair method

39. Netscape: When a fish maneuvers out of reach

40. Online: When you get the laundry hung out on the washline

41. Off line: When the clothes pins let go and the laundry falls on the
ground

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about
buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write
proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you
have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm
sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "W" if you don't start with some
straight answers! What about financial. You have anything I can track my
money?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT: One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsof t gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

A few days later . . . . . . .

ABBOTT: Super Duper Computer Store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT: Click on "START" !!!!!

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
''House'' for instance, is feminine: ''la casa.'' ''Pencil,'' however, is masculine: "el lapiz.''

A student asked, ''What gender is 'computer'?'' Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether ''computer'' should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender (''la computadora''), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine (''el computador''), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

There are some interesting things you can learn about the behavior of computer in movies (and in television). Here's a list of some of the more curious observations about movie computers:

* Word processors never display a cursor, but will always say: ENTER PASSWORD NOW.
* You never have to use the spacebar when typing long sentences.
* All monitors display 2-inch high letters.
* High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA, or some such governmental institution, have easy-to-understand graphical interfaces.
* Those that don't will have incredibly powerful text-based command shells that can correctly understand and execute commands typed in plain English.
* Corollary: You can gain access to any information you want by simply typing ACCESS ALL OF THE SECRET FILES on any keyboard.
* Likewise, you can infect a computer with a destructive virus by simply typing UPLOAD VIRUS. Viruses cause temperatures in computers, just like they do in humans. After a while, smoke billows out of disk drives and monitors.
* All computers are connected. You can access the information on the villain's desktop computer, even if it's turned off.
* Powerful computers beep whenever you press a key or whenever the screen changes. Some computers also slow down the output on the screen so that it doesn't go faster than you can read. The really advanced ones also emulate the sound of a dot-matrix printer as the characters come across the screen.
* All computer panels have thousands of volts and flash pots just underneath the surface. Malfunctions are indicated by a bright flash, a puff of smoke, a shower of sparks, and an explosion that forces you backward.
* People typing away on a computer will turn it off without saving the data.
* A hacker can get into the most sensitive computer in the world before intermission and guess the secret password in two tries.
* Any PERMISSION DENIED has an override function.
* Complex calculations and loading of huge amounts of data will be accomplished in under three seconds. In the movies, modems transmit data at two gigabytes per second.
* When the power plant/missile site/whatever overheats, all the control panels will explode, as will the entire building.
* If you display a file on the screen and someone deletes the file, it also disappears from the screen. There are no ways to copy a backup file -- and there are no undelete utilities.
* If a disk has encrypted files, you are automatically asked for a password when you try to access it.
* No matter what kind of computer disk it is, it'll be readable by any system you put it into. All application software is usable by all computer platforms.
* The more high-tech the equipment, the more buttons it has. However, everyone must have been highly trained, because the buttons aren't labelled.
* Most computers, no matter how small, have reality-defying three-dimensional, real-time, photo-realistic animated graphics capability.
* Laptops, for some strange reason, always seem to have amazing real-time video phone capabilities and the performance of a CRAY-MP.
* Whenever a character looks at a VDU, the image is so bright that it projects itself onto his/her face.
* Computers never crash during key, high-intensity activities. Humans operating computers never make mistakes under stress.
* Programs are fiendishly perfect and never have bugs that slow down users.
* Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.

A computer programmer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and brave you are and how you are my hero." The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion for an entire week." The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to his pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for a year and do anything you want." Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket."

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a year and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The man said, "Look, I'm a computer programmer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."

When my printer's type began to grow faint, I called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed me that, probably, the printer only needed to be cleaned. Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he told me, I might be better off reading the printer's manual and trying the job myself.

Pleasantly surprised by his candor, I asked, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?"

"Actually it's my boss's idea," the employee replied sheepishly. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first."

* "Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius -- and a lot of courage -- to move in the opposite direction."
* "Imagination is more important than knowledge."
* "Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love."
* "The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."
* "The only real valuable thing is intuition."
* "A person starts to live when he can live outside himself."
* "Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character."
* "I never think of the future. It comes soon enough."
* "The eternal mystery of the world is its comprehensibility."
* "Sometimes one pays most for the things one gets for nothing."
* "Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new."
* "Great spirits have often encountered violent opposition from weak minds."
* "Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler."
* "Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen."
* "Science is a wonderful thing if one does not have to earn one's living at it."
* "The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources."
* "The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education."
* "The whole of science is nothing more than a refinement of everyday thinking."
* "Technological progress is like an axe in the hands of a pathological criminal."
* "Peace cannot be kept by force. It can only be achieved by understanding."
* "The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is comprehensible."
* "We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them."
* "Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school."
* "The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing."
* "Do not worry about your difficulties in Mathematics. I can assure you mine are still greater."
* "Equations are more important to me, because politics is for the present, but an equation is something for eternity."
* "If A is a success in life, then A equals x plus y plus z. Work is x; y is play; and z is keeping your mouth shut."
* "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe."
* "As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain, as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality."
* "I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones."
* "In order to form an immaculate member of a flock of sheep one must, above all, be a sheep."
* "The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead."
* "No, this trick won't work...How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?"
* "The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed."
* "You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat."
* "One had to cram all this stuff into one's mind for the examinations, whether one liked it or not. This coercion had such a deterring effect on me that, after I had passed the final examination, I found the consideration of any scientific problems distasteful to me for an entire year."
* "...one of the strongest motives that lead men to art and science is escape from everyday life with its painful crudity and hopeless dreariness, from the fetters of one's own ever-shifting desires. A finely tempered nature longs to escape from the personal life into the world of objective perception and thought."
* "A human being is a part of a whole, called by us _universe_, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest... a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty."
* "Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts." (Sign hanging in Einstein's office at Princeton)

<>!*''#
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|{,,SYSTEM HALTED


For you somewhat cybernetically challenged, it goes something like this (using the proper cyber-names):

Waka waka bang splat tick tick hash,
Caret quote back-tick dollar dollar dash,
Bang splat equal at dollar under-score,
Percent splat waka waka tilde number four,
Ampersand bracket bracket dot dot slash,
Vertical-bar curly-bracket comma comma CRASH

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

What is the speed of darkness?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?

If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I’ll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its bum."

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, “When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah”.

The teacher asked, “What if Jonah went to hell?”

The little girl replied, “Then you ask him”.

A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, about 2”in diameter. He then asked the students if the jar was full? They agreed that it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He then asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous – yes.

The professor then produced two cans of Pepsi from under the table and proceeded to pour their entire contents into the jar – effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

“Now,” said the professor, as the laughter subsided,”I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The rocks are the important things – your family, your partner, your health, your children—things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else. The small stuff.”

“If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued “There is no room for the pebbles or the rocks.”

“The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal. Take care of the rocks first—the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.”

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Pepsi represented.

The professor smiled. “I’m glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for some Pepsi.”

I made a Technorati Profile today.
This is a post to claim this blog as mine!